On Love

Attempting to explain what I think true love is in a blog post is like putting the directions to launch Sputnik 1 on the back of a shampoo bottle. My apologies in advance.

Perhaps we should come up with a new word for love. That crazy little thing. I wonder, is what we call love really love at all? What if that thing we call love is an evolutionary modified version that holds little resemblance to the real thing? What if the real stuff is still hanging out there waiting for us to find it? I have a hunch but in order for you to wonder with me, you’re going to have to dig deep. So get your shovel ready.

If you possess something that you don’t want to lose, something that you “love”, then together with that possession there exists the fear of one day losing that possession.

You love your spouse, you love your children, you love your friends, your job, your house, your dog. It hurts you to think of losing them. Whether you are aware of it or not, there is a price you must pay to hold these things, these people, close to your heart. You have to cough up some fear– the fear of losing. Because you cannot carry the love of a something or a someone without also carrying the fear of losing that something or someone.

And yes, your husband, your wife, your kids, they are your “possessions” in the sense that you think of them as yours. Do you disagree?

A love that you are able to “give” will remain a love that you are able to take away.

There is no such thing as unconditional love. It does not exist. I state this as fact because it is. Got that shovel close by?

When that person you claim to love rejects you or does not behave the way you want them to, what do you do? Well, you might just have to rein in some of that love until they begin to act according to your wishes. And when that person you claim to love lavishes you with all the care and attention you desire, you compensate them for that with even more love.

This kind of love, it is the ultimate bargaining chip.

You dance this dance in every relationship you have, including with your kids, including with your dog. The dance is manipulative and cunning and it works which is why we do it of course.

Am I telling you that you don’t “really” love your kids, your husband, your wife, your sister, that silly dog?

I’m telling you that we love them the best and only way we know how.

So what about the real stuff? What is true love? Where do you find it?

True love exists in the absence of fear.

True love is without conditions.

True love is not conjured up by thought. We don’t talk ourselves into it or out of it. It appears without us asking it to.

True love is without effort.

True love exists only in this moment.

True love is a state of being. It is something that we are, not something that we do.

While we are super busy with our adapted version of love, life is kind enough to interrupt our days with tiny moments of the real stuff.

When your dog lays her head in your lap.

When your husband rubs your back until you fall asleep.

When your kid gets his teeth knocked out in a bar fight and your first thought is about getting him to a dentist and not about potential criminal charges.

When the coffee is perfect.

There is no word for true love because language turns it into something else.

And you will never find it, it will simply appear.

MHC

27 July 2019

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