“Living in the moment” in my mind had become a vapid expression with no power to change my outlook on anything or to make anything better or to make me feel more grateful or less preoccupied. Just words repeated to fool myself into thinking I was on some cooked-up path to enlightenment.
And then I don’t know what happened or why but I started to give serious thought on what those words really mean.
This is what I concluded…the words have no power if you are only living in the happy moments. You have to live in the shitty moments too.
I am trying to learn what it feels like to live in the moment and at the same time I am learning what it isn’t. It isn’t repeating a mantra in your head (I am enough…. I am enough….enough of what? Hell if I know) It isn’t counting your breath. I think it is more like feeling with precise awareness all the sensory and all the chatter and chaos without trying to change anything. The words are “living in the moment” not “changing the moment”. (With the right app you can totally do this)
If you can learn to be present in the moment and not give any thought to how you can change it or how it should be different eventually you will start to realize that YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY and that you do not need a vice to help you escape from it or a person to save you from it.
You can do it. With yourself. By yourself. For yourself. (hell yeah bitches)
Every single moment of your life is different. Every single moment there is change.
That’s heavy stuff to try and wrap your head around.
Your life is going to change. Your life is changing right now (right fucking now).
The question therefore becomes, what kind of change is it going to be and do I have the power to direct that change in a positive direction? Do I have the power to be the person I dream of being in this moment? An honest person, a kind person, a healthy person, a peaceful person?
The great mystery is this…The power to change is in truly living in the moment without trying to change it.
22 May 2019