I don’t know how many thousands of miles I have run over the course of 25 years but it has been a few. Running was my one constant. We all need at least one constant in our lives, don’t we? Well, mine happened to be running. I would run when I was sick, I would run when I was well, when I was fat/ skinny, happy/ sad, injured/ not injured. Three spinal fusions and still, I would run. A lightning bolt seemed to be the only force of nature that could keep me from lacing up. Perhaps I have clung tighter to my “runner” label than I have to any other “wife- mother- nurse”. Running was all mine and it made me feel bad-ass because I was good at it.
Back surgeries and age are starting to take their toll. And I am tired of wearing this label. Letting go of this identity I have created for myself has been a slow and painful process. I have cried oceans with each back surgery threatening to take it away before I was ready to give it up. I guess I’ve just always thought giving up the identity was somehow giving up.
As I am starting to gain a new perspective and starting to peel off the label I feel more freedom than running ever gave me. I still run. A LOT slower and not nearly as far but I am running with more joy than I ever have.
20 May 2019